Exhaustion - The Lesson

I’ve been absolutely miserable for the past few days. A combination of exhaustion, overwhelm and overstimulation. I’ve been “going through the motions” of existing, at work, at home, even in my conversations with others. Doing what needs to be done but extremely detached from the process and the outcome.

I long to be anywhere else, preferably alone doing nothing at all. I am tired, so tired of the life I have been living. Tired of the same themes running in my relationships, and conversations; Tired of doing things out of obligation and not because I truly want to. Tired of the mundane of my current reality.

Tired of feeling like I’m not being understood and appreciated. Tired of a job that I do just to survive, tired of surviving and feeling like I’m not truly living. Tired of feeling like there’s always something to work towards, fight for or overcome. Tired of longing for a different life.

Exhausted, Overwhelmed, Overstimulated

Don’t get me wrong, I do know that I am exactly where I am meant to be, and I know I am here for a reason that catapults me in the direction I am meant to go. However, the emotion in the current space is not one that feels enjoyable. It feels like depression. I am intentional about sitting with this emotion and refuse to pretend that I am feeling what I am not.

This is acceptance of where I am. Allowing myself to feel depressed and defeated, even while knowing that the feeling itself is temporary. My life circumstances are not likely to dramatically change, but my perspective eventually will. Accepting doesn’t mean I am ungrateful for the blessings that are currently in my life. It serves the purpose of highlighting all the areas I am still not truly satisfied with. I can be grateful for what I have while also acknowledging what I’d prefer to change.

Life is both positive AND negative, never one or the other. The Ying Yang symbol perfectly depicts this concept. There is light in the dark, and dark in the light; Positive leads to negative and vice versa. In order for positive experiences and perspectives to even exist, negative experiences and perspectives must also exist. One gives birth to the other.

The intense negative emotions highlight an urgent need for a break, a truly restful break. I am guilty of becoming so laser focused on a goal that I forget that without frequent breaks and rest, output and productivity suffers. I forget sometimes what being human is truly like, that the body does not operate as fast as the mind, or that there is a cap on how much it can function without true rest. When the body is tired, so is the mind.

It is also an indication that something needs to change, primarily around having fun and lightening up on life. Operating as a highly productive individual means that I sometimes forget how to have fun; especially without making everything about my goals and self-development.

Balance: Dance between Fire and Water

Life is supposed to be fun and rewarding. It is supposed to be light and easy, filled with laughter and silliness. Our thoughts and emotions make it appear more difficult than it truly is meant to be. Especially when we are exhausted.

So, the next time you feel defeated and depressed. Allow yourself to feel that way, take a break, rest, and do something fun just for the sake of a laugh. Lighten your load and embrace the lesson tiredness teaches. I guarantee when you do, you will place yourself in a much more aligned space to resume your goal achieving activities.

As always courage is required. It is a courageous act to first acknowledge and accept where you are. To allow yourself to feel poorly while not taking your frustration out on others. Afterall, It isn’t their fault you feel terrible.

It takes courage, and self-honesty, to know that the stories you tell yourself are exactly that, stories. Stories that become distorted by an exhausted, overwhelmed and overstimulated mind.