Managing Your Expectations of Others

Ever felt like when you speak, no one truly hears you? As if when you attempt to communicate your heart’s truth, the receiver is unable to truly comprehend. You are left feeling a little hollow, unheard, misunderstood, and basically lonely. It hurts even more intensely when it’s those closest to you, parents, siblings, family-like friends, even your significant others.

This could lead to thinking there’s something wrong with you, and maybe you should change to ‘fit in’ with them. You find yourself holding much of you back, afraid to offend or be misunderstood again. What hurts even more is that from your perspective, all you were trying to do is express your true self to them, believing they more than anyone else would understand and accept.

A reminder that even those closest to you are different to you. They’ve had experiences that cause them to view the world, and you, through different filters. If they have not done any internal work to first acknowledge their behaviour and heal it, they will always view whatever you say from that unhealed perspective. It isn’t that they are intentionally misunderstanding you, it is simply because they lack the capacity to.

Misunderstandings...

You know yourself best. However, every single person you meet, close or not, has a version of you they respond to. Your parents and siblings may choose to continue to treat you as the child version they hold close to their heart. Your significant other may choose to treat you more as a companion than a lover. Strangers treat you according to whatever mood they are in that day.

Adjusting yourself to respect their boundaries should never come at the expense of your own. You can’t force anyone to see you as the version you know yourself to be, but you can adjust your behaviour so that your needs are also met. If those closest to you have indicated they are not willing to know that version of you, so be it. Some people aren’t meant to know you that deeply anyway.

What you are responsible for are your own actions and responses. If your attempts are met with a brick wall, then stop. Leave those people where they are and manage your interactions to suit. Use your expanded mind to recognize repeated patterns then respond differently to stop the cycle. It is your responsibility to manage your expectations of others.

For example, if your parents refuse to take your advice, stop insisting they follow it. If you do offer any, remind them that it is ultimately their choice and it is only a suggestion. Then truly release, from your heart, the outcome. Most are comfortable, even if not happy, with the way they have cultivated their existence and prefer not to change. It is not your job to manage their expectations of you.

Understanding...

A reminder, emotions are messengers to deeper unresolved issues. They are there to alert us that something is out of alignment, and attention must be given. In the case of being misunderstood, it is an indication to adjust our expectations of others to the reality they present. It is normal to fall in love with people’s potential but what is the point if they never choose to live up to it.

The want for others to see the true you can only be recognized if they already have awareness that others, including family, present in different ways at their core. They too want to be understood for the version of themselves they have in their minds. In their way, they are trying to connect with you but are doing it the only way they know how and that sometimes does not match what you expect.

As always, courage is required. Are you willing to give you loved ones the space to be who they are without compromising your integrity? Are you willing to love them as they are, the way you want them to love you?

I implore you to remove the conditions of your happiness from the hands and responsibility of others, even those close ones.