One of the most painful experiences is rejection. Rejection by a romantic partner, a family member, even a stranger feels the same. The pain manifests in symptoms of offense, jealousy, loneliness, shame, guilt, social anxiety and embarrassment. Most of the time the cause of these symptoms remains unknown.
The emotions are so loud they perpetuate a mental loop that validate themselves. For example, when interactions with a co-worker seem stilted and uncomfortable. You find annoying or disingenuous everything the person does. Your mind then highlights and interprets those acts to mean a personal grudge against you.
The mind has successfully created a story that validates the emotion. It is only when we dive deeper that the cause of the emotions become known. A reminder, emotions are the result of a belief not the cause of them. In truth not everyone’s personalities and energies are compatible. It is easier to let go of what isn’t meant to be a part of your life, instead of condemning yourself for not being different.
It is important to ask yourself why being rejected by this person bothers you so much. Is it because you feel less worthy and struggle with self-acceptance? This is usually the cause and once acknowledged, removes the outside person as the offender, and allows you to evaluate yourself. Why does someone else’s opinion of you matter more than your own?
My father was the first person to reject me. I was too young to remember the exact event, but my subconscious held on to the programming. What followed was rejection manifested in various ways throughout my life; Being overlooked academically and professionally, being left out of social groups and plans by people I considered friends, people who I thought were in long-term friendships distancing themselves, being cheated on in romantic relationships.
These examples are a common part of human existence, a sort of right-of-passage as an individual. While they are useful learning experiences, they bring unwanted and confusing feelings. A lesson does not need to be painful to be learnt. Pain is most effective because it grabs our attention. When we pay attention to the intuitive nudges that are present before a situation becomes painful, we save ourselves the emotional roller-coaster.
The experience of rejection does not have to exist in our reality. We can learn the lesson rejection is trying to teach and move on. Unconditional love of self is required for self-acceptance and knowledge of worthiness. We generally associate worthiness with things we do, our jobs, or how we treat others.
When we accept our worthiness, in our hearts, the outward expression will reflect that too. We are worthy because we exist and it’s that simple. Most of us look at our lives and try everything we can think of to change it. However, our lives won’t change until we do, by truly accepting and loving ourselves.
As always courage is required. When we are secure in our sense of self-worth, then we make wiser decisions about what we tolerate in our experience. If someone doesn’t like us, so what? Our lives could only be improved because energy otherwise spent on people more aligned with us rather than those who aren’t.
Rejection exists because of the belief that we are somehow unworthy. Learning to accept our innate worthiness isn't a quick fix. So the next time you experience rejection instead of worrying and getting lost in an emotional loop, express gratitude to the Universe for protecting you. It will shift your experience and remind you no one else's opinion of you is truer than your own.
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