You know that uncomfortable feeling you get when you are around people you don’t know well? You start to get thoughts about them judging you or watching your every move just waiting for you to slip up? You become hyper aware of them and interpret everything they do or say as something somehow related to you.
Congratulations, you have successfully given yourself anxiety by creating a story in your mind supported by your confirmation bias; The tendency to favor information that confirms or strengthens a belief. Confirmation bias does not accept contradicting evidence as truth. What you have truly accomplished is self-judgement through the story you have created about another person.
No one is able to think for anyone else, yet it is somehow socially acceptable. When attempting to, one can only rely on their own judgement, i.e. filter. For example, when you think someone doesn’t like you because of your appearance; It is you who believes that your appearance is unlikable. In truth, you have absolutely no idea what another person is truly thinking about you, or anything at all for that matter.
We all have different filters based on our experiences, upbringing and social conditioning. Sometimes how we interpret someone’s actions or words may not be the same way that person intended for them to be interpreted. Adding age, cultural, and social demographics to the mix, further creates more opportunities for misinterpretations to occur.
This isn’t to say everyone has your best interests at heart. Most people look out for themselves first, as they should, however some do it with purposeful negative intent at the expense of others. A reminder that you create your own reality, meaning that what you focus on most is what will manifest. Therefore, if you keep the energy of ‘everyone is out to get me’ then you will draw more situations like that into your experience.
However, when you allow people to show you who they are, there will be no doubt in your mind whether they are worth your energy or not. Everyone eventually shows their true selves, the self behind the masks. Sometimes it is exactly what you thought, other times you realize you had it all wrong. Either way, it is always up to you how much energy you decide to give to a person or situation.
For instance, you befriend someone you initially clicked with. For a while, things go well, and you continue with your genuine energy believing the other person is reciprocating. After a few weeks, they begin to show that they were in fact only using you. Those red flags you ignored at first, because they weren’t directed at you, become the reasons the relationship ends. That person searched and found something they perceived was a slight against them, based on their own filter, to use against you and your intentions.
Your authenticity wasn’t returned, and that can hurt. How long you choose to remain in that hurt is up to you. You can choose to accept the situation as it is, and allow the person to be who they are, while creating distance; No longer allowing that person access to you.
Everyone is everything whether they choose to acknowledge that or not. Mostly the things people are judging in others are the things they must look at in themselves. This isn’t always the case though; It could very well be that the thing being judged highlights what is no longer present in you. Your self-development journey will indicate if this is true for you.
Other people’s opinions of you don’t matter. What matters most is your opinion of yourself, and how you choose to allow others to influence it. Everyone is looking at everyone else through filters based on their own experiences.
It is important to say that just because you understand what and why someone is the way they are, doesn’t mean you have to accept that behavior in your life. That’s the power of choice and leaving people where they are. When you do, you create space for those more aligned with your authenticity to come into your life. As always courage is required. Living a heart centered life isn’t for the faint of heart. It requires you to set and maintain boundaries with who you allow in your life.
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